Sunday, December 4, 2011

My Conspiracy Theory (Bwaaah-haaa-haah!)

I’ve been made aware that at least one person thinks I’m advancing a “conspiracy theory” about the attack on the Diocese of Baker, probably related to the subtitle, “The Skylstad Agenda”, I suppose. I hadn’t really thought of it that way, but now I do have some thoughts on the subject. (Are you surprised?!)
First, let’s talk about conspiracy theories in general – or at least those who hold them. It seems that if you have a conspiracy theory, your thoughts and ideas are suspect in and of themselves, with no investigation of whether they are warranted. It is pretty difficult to prove a conspiracy theory is true, so I guess it’s perhaps a prudent approach to assume a conspiracy theory is wrong.  
In other words, it appears that there is a conspiracy against conspiracy theorists. Ha! Just kidding!
But here’s the rub: suppose there really is a conspiracy. You know…just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you! If there really is a conspiracy, then the conspirators can just say, “Oh, she’s just another one of those conspiracy theory types – a wild-eyed lunatic on witch hunt.” I’ve had those thoughts myself about some people at some times regarding some conspiracy theories. But there have been some conspiracies and “cover-ups” (which qualify as conspiracies, I think) that were legitimate.
A quick Google search turned up an interesting website called Above Top Secret, with a post that purports to identify “The Top Ten Real Conspiracies”. The author of the post at that link says:
The purpose of this post is to point out that conspiracies are real. How often have you mentioned that you are interested in conspiracies only to feel as though your friends and family think that you've somehow lost the plot? This is your ammo.
While researching this I found that my biggest problem was what to leave out and not if I could find ten real conspiracies. Every coup, revolution, and counter-revolution has at its root a conspiracy, and a great deal of assassinations too.
Although the description is not quite grammatical, the author lists some conspiracies that sure sound real. But then…you never can tell. The whole site itself could be a conspiracy created to draw in wacky conspiracy theorists. One can’t be too careful.
I have a confession to make, though: I do believe there are conspiracies. I believe that sometimes bad people who are very clever get together and make bad things happen. On purpose. In secret. A conspiracy, if you will.
 I also believe that sometimes bad people who are not very clever talk about some off-the-wall ideas, and then some bad stuff happens. In this case, there may not be a conspiracy in the sense of an intentional, well-thought-out plan to accomplish sinister and devious deeds. Still, it’s a sure bet that there is indeed one single mastermind directing the whole thing. It’s the guy in the red tights and long tail, with the little pointy horns on his head. You know who I mean (feel free to hit pause after the first 5 seconds!):

Yes, I do believe that Satan exists. I do believe he uses people – even well-meaning people, at times – in order to accomplish bad deeds.  
Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, steadfast in faith…(1Peter 5:8-9)
So, do I think there is a conspiracy to destroy the Diocese of Baker? Not exactly. So...You wanna know what I do believe? I’m so glad you asked! Get ready for it:
I believe there is a conspiracy to destroy the entire Catholic Church! But I also know how the story will end:
God wins. The gates of hell will not prevail.
Sancte Michael Archangele, defende nos in proelio;
contra nequitiam et insidias diaboli esto praesidium.
Imperat illi Deus; supplices deprecamur:
tuque, Princeps militiae coelestis,
Satanam aliosque spiritus malignos,
qui ad perditionem animarum pervagantur in mundo,
divina virtute in infernum detrude.

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